Sunday, March 18, 2012

Men in society

The stereotypes that have been given to men aren't doing me any favors.
First, lets start with the fact that I do not claim to know a lot about the other gender. Therefore, when I went to the book store, I took a gander at the "relationship" section. It's really quite amazing what you'll find there. Book after book after book of basic man-bashing. Seriously.
I don't know-maybe it was just the day and all the pro-men books had already been bought-but I don't think so. Not really.
It seemed as though every book had something to do with the "fact" that men usually operate single-mindedly and not usually with their actual mind. These books portray men as insensitive and "out-of-touch" with what women want and need. Whether it be a little recognition for the things we women do for said man or a wide range of intimacy issues. Furthermore, these books seem to give an outline or "owner's manual/training guide" for shaping up "your man" or finding, getting and keeping "your man."
I'm just kind of like WTF-Men are not dogs and I don't want to train one to like me! He either does like me or he doesn't. This, however, is not what I find most disturbing. What I find disturbing is that there are A LOT of books out there on this topic and they portray men in said light. This leaves me wondering-is there a lack of respect for men in our society today?
Have we gotten so far gone in our feminist ways of thinking that we forgot where we came from? Are we are doing to men what men did to women for so long; treated and represented them as inferior? This sort of mentality is not helping our society.
I have come to realize that men are extremely complicated-just as much so if not more (in some cases) as women. They come with their own issues and behaviors that seems just as irrational to us females as we likely do to males. It's important to note-that men also have a societal "standard" to follow which adds, I feel, more pressure for the man to "BE A MAN" than to just be himself. If you've not read "Raising Cain" by Dan Kindlon and Micheal Thompson-you must. I read it a number of years ago for a college class and it did in fact help me understand boys and the societal expectations that are placed on boys. It wasn't until recently, that I saw how this plays out into manhood.
I find a bit of a contradiction between how society says we should or are raising boys and how we want men to behave. We don't want our boys to be sissy's. They should not show emotions besides anger. Crying is not okay. They need to like tuff stuff and sports and getting dirty and belch and play with themselves and use fists and competition to feel and be treated like a boy-NOT a sissy. Once a boy has it figured out how to act in society and suppress the sensitivity and only knows how to express anger either through hurtful words or physical acts-he begins to meet girls and like them. Eventually he will really like a girl and she will want him to be sensitive, to show his feelings, to be vulnerable, and to essentially forget everything he has been taught on how to be "A MAN" She will have to un-train everything he was trained to do in his boyhood. NO WONDERS MEN SUCK AT RELATIONSHIPS!!!!!! They have to forget everything they know that previously made them a male success story in order to have a successful relationship with a female. (I apologize for my insensitivity and ignorance here, however, I do not know if this is true for homosexual relationships. I don't purposefully mean to exclude or overgeneralize.) So does giving up on the first set of ideals mean that they are unsuccessful in the end-assuming they allow themselves to be "re-trained" or find the right person who gets them...? They succumb to the pressures of society that says they need to be with a woman and give her x,y, and z. Be sensitive, be loving, be faithful, and SHOW your feelings for her.
I can't imagine what goes on inside a man's head when they are in a relationship with someone that means something to them. Isn't it all just conflicting? No wonder us women are baffled by them-they are baffled too!
To finalize, in my opinion, society has not done men any favors. And it certainly hasn't done anyone else any favors in forming relationships with another person. In my opinion, men have become undervalued and negatively stereotyped. Society has made it seem like ALL men are jerks, ALL men are sex-addicts, ALL men are pigs, ALL men are emotionless. The only reason why SOME men are these things is because society taught them how to be this way! Society is teaching women to see ALL men in the negative as well. This isn't productive either. Don't get me wrong, some men are scoundrels-but not all. At the end of the day, isn't it just better to believe in the best of every person? In my opinion it is. In my opinion, at the end of the day, MOST men are good.